It's "Common Sense," don'tcha think?
Hi, I'm Christopher.
I have Aspergers, and I never fit in. Still to this day, I am made fun of for my differences - told I'm broken, "retarded", and unreliable. As I got older, miscommunications got more subtle, but more risky. Talking required more care, and it just wasn't worth it any more. The smallest conversation set me off and I would be angry, resentful, and frustrated immediately. It seemed explosive from the outside.
As I got older, more agreements got broken, even though "I thought I was clear." Boundaries got violated because "I thought I was heard." I inflicted harm on myself and others because "It doesn't matter anyway."
It was, and would always be, my fault.
Sound like someone you know?
I couldn't continue living this way. It wasn't my fault, so why was everyone acting like I "should know better", just "get" (un)common sense, and communicate without any meaningful agreement on what we're talking about?
I decided to get to the root of the problem for once and for all. And that's when I discovered something critical: ND's speak an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT language - despite using the same words.
Aspergers, Autism, ADHD.
OCD, PTSD, xyzlmnop.
Click below - learn the language of ND.
Resolve Conflict Without Fighting
Stay Focused On The Big Picture
Adjust to The Constant Change
Step 1
Intention
When you're both heading toward the same goal, communication has purpose. But how do we define a goal? We need to ensure that we take our time here - defining and clarifying all aspects.
Step 2
Agreement
Which aspects are relevant for this conversation? It's true that context matters, and in most communication mishaps, context is to blame. We need to clearly agree on what's important.
Step 3
Protocol
Now that we agree on all the corresponding parts, what are we going to do? How are we going to operate? This step clarifies expectations so there are minimal awkward pauses and "I don't knows."
Hear About Mr & Mrs K's Experience
names have been changed to protect the innocent
" For The First Time in 30 Years We've Found A Way That It's Changed Intimacy and Trust Between Us.
I Can't Put A Price on It."
"It's the words the he used and the way that they are received creates the conflict for us.
Our conflict is when we lose sight of the bigger reason."
Tools of the ND Trade
Once we have a common goal, we'll use the following tools.
The Table
the table is a symbol of the amount of mental bandwidth available. We use this tool and the relationships that arise from it being too full or too cluttered to describe the mechanics of the mind.
The Scale
A 1-10 scale to describe...anything really. NDs don't think in absolutes. They think in probabilities. We use this 1-10 scale to describe the intensity of our experience. There's special mechanics that arise here, too.
The Curve
It's not just about a degree. No, we're more sophisticated than that 😅. The curve describes the intensity of each number on the scale and depends on the clutter on The Table, our emotional state, and other factors.
The Lists
Each list is a form of anxiety management. They are contextual and intentional. Using the Table, Scale, and Curve, we determine which items on which lists are most relevant, and when.
The Signs
It may seem like your ND doesn't care, is distant, or isn't making decisions as they "should." But these are just a sign of differences in Bias Blindspots and, like many things, aren't what they seem.
The Choice
Responsibility is a big deal. But when there's a miscommunication, who's responsibility is it to clear it up? This is one of the biggest contention points in relating. The truth is, no one wants conflict, and decisions often create separation. Learn how to make better ones.
I Can Do This
(Yes I Can)
Chris is remarkable at translating between someone who is Neurotypical and someone who is not . I felt seen. I felt understood. I felt appreciated. All of these things on a level that is unusual in someone I have known for awhile, only we had just met. He is able to, seemingly without effort, cut through years of misunderstanding and miscommunication to explain clearly in language I understand what the other person meant. Not only that, but how they were trying to communicate this need, and AND why it was important to them.
- Terry Barkman, NT
I felt like I was able to articulate myself because I wasn’t being mired down by the concepts and structures he(NT) uses that feel false to me. I think genuine progress has been made, and that hearing you explain things in a more neutral and clinical way really helped him, which of course in turn helps me as well.
-Titiana Kaye, ND
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